PK朱令

方壶斋

网传朱令高中译诗: 大麦俯身偃,海滨有低地。巨风动地来,放歌殊未已。大麦俯身偃,既偃且复起。颠仆不能折,昂扬伤痛里。我生也柔弱,日夜逝如此。只把千古愁,化作临风曲。

Like Barley

by Sarah Teasdale

Like Barley Bending
In low fields by the sea
Singing in hard wind
Ceaselessly

Like Barley Bending
And rising again
So would I,unbroken
Rise from pain

So would I softly
Day long,night long
Change my sorrow
Into a song

余上大学时,亦曾以古体诗翻译Sarah Teasdale的There Will Come the Soft Rains。没想到朱令与我有同好。

朱令译文,读来颇有秦风汉骨。《大麦歌》的标题,自然令人想到《大风歌》。而前两段读起来亦有诗经余韵。逐句对照原文,感到此高中生对于诗歌翻译已经颇有心得。相比较,我大学时翻译的Teasdale,生硬之处比比皆是:

细 雨 霏 霏 满 地 香 , 燕 子 飞 徊 柔 声 唱 。 素 装 尽 看 荒 郊 李 , 蛙 声 听 取 夜 色 塘 。 红 羽 妆 成 画 眉 美 , 清 歌 小 蓠 诉 奇 想 。 岂 念 烽 火 映 干 戈 , 谁 虑 败 寇 与 成 王 。 世 间 纵 是 人 绝 灭 , 鸟 木 无 心 为 断 肠 。 一 朝 春 梦 断 不 知 , 人 面 桃 花 两 茫 茫 。

There will come soft rains and the smell of the ground,
And swallows circling with their shimmering sound;

And frogs in the pool singing at night,
And wild plum trees in tremulous white;

Robins will wear their feathery fire,
Whistling their whims on a low fence-wire;

And not one will know of the war, not one
Will care at last when it is done.

Not one would mind, neither bird nor tree,
If mankind perished utterly;

And Spring herself when she woke at dawn
Would scarcely know that we were gone.

大学生输给高中生,不妥,干脆耍个赖,修改一下,也好PK朱令:

细雨将至地飘香,归燕回环清音唱。素装揽遍荒郊李, 蛙声听取夜色塘。 红羽妆成画眉美,藩篱歌罢奇思长。岂念烽火映干戈 ,谁虑败寇与成王。世间纵是人绝灭,禽木无缘为断肠。 一朝春醒断不知,人面桃花两茫茫。

本帖最后由 Immanuel 于 2013-6-1 13:37 编辑

Greatly appreciate your work. Somehow, I like your college version better.


At another forum, I followed the trail of a dear friend and tried my own rendition. Feel led to share.
-----------

Like Barley
by Sarah Teasdale

大麦歌
莎拉·狄斯德尔

Like Barley Bending
In low fields by the sea
Singing in hard wind
Ceaselessly
如麦之伏
在滨之谷
歌吟无休
疾风无阻

Like Barley Bending
And rising again
So would I,unbroken
Rise from pain
如麦之扑
扑而复矗
不破此身
当破此苦

So would I softly
Day long,night long
Change my sorrow
Into a song
人如斯婉
日如夜阑
将此心悲
长歌当挽

--------
There Will Come Soft Rains
Sara Teasdale

微雨欲度
莎拉·狄斯德尔
[有改动]

There will come soft rains and the smell of the ground,
And swallows circling with their shimmering sound,
微雨欲酥泥欲香
细燕拟乱声拟狂

And frogs in the pools singing at night,
And wild plum-trees in tremulous white.
池中夜蛙鸣自在
野外白李开芬芳

Robins will wear their feathery fire,
Whistling their whims on a low fence-wire;
知更忙试新衣火
小篱闲吹旧梦长

And not one will know of the war, not one
Will care at last when it is done,
倩谁记取兵火日
战事既休人既忘

Not one would mind, neither bird nor tree,
If mankind perished utterly;
置如鸟树不关心
倾尔众生亦平常

And Spring herself, when she woke at dawn
Would scarcely know that we were gone.
便是春主醒于晨
不知吾辈邈以亡
世皆浮波客,我是波上舟。
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